Happy now?

Sometimes this blog thing is hard. I know some people read it, so I feel obligated to make it more entertaining. I couldn't think of any good stories from my past to make it funny so I kind of just let it sit for awhile. Now I am just going to try and force myself to write something.

I recently reopened my site chaostatic.com. I had let it sit dormant for a number of years, I had just bored tired of the subject matter I guess. A few things happened over the last couple of months I guess that got me reinterested in putting the site back together and trying to update it. Probably a dumb idea since I have so many projects on my plate right now unfinished. I have been interested in the occult for about the last 16 years or so. I went through quite a few belief systems and schools of thought until I settled on the one I have been "following" for the last 12(?) years. If interested you can visit the link and look at some of my writings on the site to give you a better idea. I don't feel like rehashing it here... of course most of those texts are around 5 years old, or more, so I am sure it has evolved since then. I need to make a note to myself to revisit them. Hmm, I guess I will try to keep within this topic for the rest of the post.

When I was formulating this paradigm I was around 15 or 16. I was hanging out with one other kid that was interested in the subject and was actually very helpful in building it. None of our other friends really "got it", but went along with a lot of our ideas because it was fun I guess. My friend Carlos, who we all called Acid for some reason that I have since forgotten (probably had to do with drugs, music, something else or all of the above), lived in an apt. building that was connected to a funeral home that was abandoned. He was renting a room from some young couple who were the supers of the building. This of course gave us full access to the funeral home and we used this as our hangout spot pretty much exclusively. Some real crazy shit went down there and I am sure some of those stories will show up in later entries. This place was great. Scary as fucking hell at times, but great nonetheless. There was one large room where I am assuming the viewings used to be held, off of that there were 3 other rooms in varying sizes. Probably offices... maybe a coffin showroom or two, I don't really know. The creepy part came down stairs. There were these 3 rooms downstairs. One was obviously where they stored and worked on the bodies. That room always gave us the heeby jeebies. It was always ice cold and just made the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. There were these chains that hang from the ceiling with hooks on them and when we were daring (read as - fucked up enough) we would go down there and swing around on them.

There was another room off of the hallway at the bottom of the stairs. I never could figure out what exactly that room was for. It was carpeted so I figure they didn't do any work in that room. Maybe make-up and the like. This room was the creepiest by far. Even though it was at the same level as the hallway, which was also carpeted, the floor was always sopping wet. You would walk and the water (or blood depending on the hallucinogenic you were on at the time) would just gurgle and ooze everytime you took a step. You would walk back into the hallway and it would be dry even though the rug seemed like one piece. Very odd. Oh yeah. There was no electricity in the building so you had to go everywhere by candlelight or flashlight, especially in the basement since there were no windows down there. In this room there were some weird cubicle like closets that just had a ton of crap in them. I wish I could remember some of the things it had in it. They were just weird things that you wouldn't expect in that setting like dolls and shit. There was another room off of that room that was locked. I don't think we were ever able to get in there.

Now this place is a hispanic church. Everytime I drive past it and see people doing mass or whatever I always laugh and wonder what the hell they would think if they knew some of the crazy debauchery that used to happen in there.

I also haven't talked to Acid in quite a number of years. I honestly don't even know where he is living now. Before I could keep tabs on him since he was dating a friend of my girlfriend's. It's a shame, he was extremely important in forming my belief system and we had such great times. Every now and then I hope that I will run into him, but at the same time I really don't want to. I don't remember exactly what made us drift apart... maybe nothing. Probably just time. I also know from experience that you "can't go home again".

Creepy bastards...

So I am sitting in my car listening to my MP3 player enjoying the beautiful weather on my break when I see a hideous black spider crawl across my dashboard. If there is one thing in this world that I am afraid of, it is spiders. I HATE them. I don't know what it is about them but they are creep little bastards.

Anyway, so I see this spider. My first instinct is to freeze, then it is to jump out of my car. After a few seconds I grow enough balls to take my shoe off and get back in the car ready to kill it. Of course it's psychic powers (like all these 8-legged things have) warns it that I am going to kill it and it runs by the window. There is enough sticking out that I know if I get a solid shot on it that it will die... I decide to take the chance.

Bad idea.

I know I got a piece of it, but not enough to kill it. It fell to the floor of my car and now I can't find it.

I am leaving work soon and I know that it is still there regaining it's strength. I am not looking forward to the drive home.

Can't think of a fitting title...

The last two days have been tough. We had some additions to our household and some departures. On March 1st my girlfriend and I had to make the horrible decision to euthanize our 15yo cat Lady. I had spent the last 10 years in her life and she was one of the most wonderful cats I have ever met. She gave back ten times the love you a gave her. She will never, ever be forgotten.

During the last month our other cat, Nothing, was becoming very lonely. We decided we needed to bring in another cat for him to keep him company. We both felt it was a little too soon after Lady's passing, but our cats are our world. They are our children and we try to do everything we can for them.

We went to the Teterboro shelter earlier in the week and were horrified at the conditions there. They had very few cats, but all of them were miserable looking. The help there was also deplorable, we stood at the counter for 10-15 mins before one of the two idiots behind the counter decided to even give us the time of the day. We saw only one cat that seemed to have any energy left in her, but we couldn't spend any time with her since they were closing shortly. She reminded us of an outside cat we had taken care of a couple of years ago they had gotten sick and died before we could take her in (one of our biggest regrets).

I researched a few shelters online and found one in Clifton, NJ that looked promising. So we stopped there on Tuesday night. What a change this shelter was. I was amazed at how helpful everyone was and how energetic and responsive the cats were. They had a great selection of ages to choose from as well. Immediately, I fell for a little 4 month old named Carrie. She came running to me from the back of her cage and was reaching her paws out at me. They must have trained her well in what to do lol. I took her out and held her for a while and she was purring instantly. I wanted her then and there, but I had to give all the other kitties a chance too, plus she was a little young for our 10 yo. Directly across from her was a beautiful cat, Putty. We took him out and he was nice and calm and seemed to like us fine. We put him back and went into the other cat room to see who else they had. I found another cat I liked named Lucky. She was also 4 months old and absolutely adorable. She took an instant liking to me as well. Above her was a gorgeous cat named Maxwell who is completely deaf. We really liked him, but he looked exactly like our current cat and we just couldn't get him.

We eventually decided that instead of getting one cat we could get two: Carrie and Putty. We figured Putty would be great since he was so calm and he was 2 years old so we are giving an older cat a chance since most people don't want anything other than a kitten. And Carrie would bring some well needed life and happiness into the apartment. We filled out the necessary forms and left waiting for them to do their background check and we would find out the next day if and when we could take our new pets home.

By 5 o'clock Wednesday evening we got the word that we could come and pick them up, yay! We got everything together and went to the shelter. After a short time there we had them in their carriers and were on our way home. When we got home we introdoced them to Nothing while they were still in their carriers. He quickly ran away and hid, which we expected since he is a very timid cat. We let them out of their prisons in the bathroom and left them in their for awhile while we calmed Nothing down... to no avail.

Eventually we let them roam around a bit since Nothing was hiding and wouldn't be coming out anytime soon. Since it has finally been getting warm again we opened the window and Putty... now named Hunter (after Hunter S. Thompson RIP)... quickly jumped into the window and watched the outside. Carrie, now known as Chiyo (after Chiyo-chan from Azumanga Daioh) quickly adapted to the house and was laying around the kitchen and the livingroom. We noticed prior to this that Hunter went from being the calm, placid cat to a much more aggressive cat, but that was somewhat expected because of the change in surroundings for him.

When it came time to take Hunter out of the window he was becoming increasingly violent acting. He was hissing and growling at us. When I went to pick him up he attacked me and got two really good hits with his claws. On my forearm and on my index finger. I wasn't bleeding too bad from my forearm, but the index finger bled pretty bad. For a few mins I thought I might need stitches, but I got the bleeding to stop for the most part. When he swiped at me he luckily lost his balance and had to jump down from the window. We closed the window and left him alone to calm down. He eventually started coming up to us and we would pet him, somewhat cautiously, but every now and then he would hiss at us and look like he was about to strike again. He also eventually started to grow tired of Chiyo's 4 month old antics and was hissing and swatting at her.

After a long night and a tiring morning we decided that we had to bring him back. We didn't want to, but Nothing is our first priority and he was not happy with this other domineering male in the house. I called up the contact at the shelter and she agreed.

All day at work I was emotionally up and down and always questioning if I was doing the right thing. We felt horrible to have to return him to the shelter, but we really didn't know what else to do. When I saw on their webpage that they posted that Carrie and Putty were adopted together and how lucky they were I nearly lost it. When I came home this evening I talked to my girlfriend about maybe giving him some more time, but he was still acting very violent and unhappy so we decided to go through with it. It was a tough drive there and surprisingly neither one of us got too upset. We spent a long time at the shelter talking with the volunteers on duty tonight, one of which was the one that initially helped us pick out these two cats. They told us that we did the right thing, but they also told us they now wonder if they will be able to get Putty/Hunter to the point where he will be able to be a housecat. They thought he was there already, but obviously wasn't yet. I personally think that he just needs a home where there are no other cats. I think that was a major factor in his behaviour.

Nothing has since come out of hiding. He is still unsure of Chiyo, but we aren't in fact while I wrote this she has been sleeping at my feet on the rug. Hopefully she will have long, fun life. I know I can't wait to be a major part of it.

In Memory of Lady (1990-2005)

Rear Window

A coworker recently told me about a "scene" he viewed from his bedroom window. I thought I would share it so the one person that reads my blog would maybe get a chuckle.

He recently got married and moved into one of those townhouse communities. His bedroom faces into a courtyard where I guess everyone else's does too. Since his move there he has seen the girl across having sex with her boyfriend a few times. They always seem to leave their bedroom curtains open when they are going to have sex. On this particular night my friend noticed that they were going at it once again. Like any other person he decided to look for a few minutes. At one point he notices that the girl has put on some weird looking black panties and is moving behind the boyfriend who is bending over. She steps back and he could clearly see that she was wearing a strap-on. Him and his wife watched horrorified. At this point I told him that they obviously want everyone that can see them to watch, otherwise they would not have left the curtains open... especially during something like this that is so socially unacceptable. They continued on with this in a few positions and he said that he could swear that the boyfriend was watching out the window staring back at them.

Personally, at this point I would be out shopping for a nice telescope, lol.

I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a voyeur, but it was disappointing that this happened to someone else and not me. This reminded me of a time when I was probably 15 or so, so roughly 13 years ago. There were these women who lived in the 3 family house across the street from me. It was three women and some guys. I never quite knew who lived in what apt. and who was married to who. Two of them women were clearly related. The one was definitely older then the other but they looked almost identical one with blonde hair, the other with red, both clearly dyed. The best part was that they both looked like 80s icon Tiffany. Drool. Their friend (I am assuming since she didn't look anything like them) had black hair and a real nice figure. My friends and I always would check them out when they came home. One night we were hanging out on my stoop in front of my house partaking in some malt liquor when they came home. We watched them go up the stairs into the house and thought nothing of it and probably made our comments to each other about how hot they were. Anyway, we notice a light go on in one of the front rooms on the second floor. We all look up and we see the black haired girl opening the blinds and curtain. She then proceeds to undress in front of the window for us all to see. Now we didn't get to see too much, but we atleast got to see her breasts and some rubbing action. I am sure I used that visual many nights alone in my bedroom for awhile after that.

I am back living on that same block now, in the house next door to the one I grew up in. Everytime I look up at that window I think about that night. I wonder if she thought she would have that much of a lasting impression on us? She no longer lives there, but the Tiffany look alikes did until fairly recently. I wonder whatever happened to her.

1334

I was sitting here at work a little bored, so I decided wth. I should write something on the blog.

April 1st has always been a weird day to me. I usually enjoy playing pranks on people, and I actually had a good one planned for a coworker. I still might do it so I don't want to say it here yet. Anyway, 4/1 has been a sad day for a few years now. 7 years ago today one of the greatest musicians of (atleast) my lifetime hung himself, Rozz Williams. I have never been big into the gothic culture, but I have for as long as I can remember listened to a lot of gothic music. And Rozz Williams was in some of my favorite gothic bands: Christian Death, Shadow Project, his spoken word stuff. And of course in the experimental band Premature Ejaculation.

I always find it hard to explain to people unfamiliar with his work. They hear the word gothic and automatically assume it is cheesy. I agree, a lot of things in the gothic culture are cheesy and nowadays it seems even worse than ever. Rozz was amazing though. He had a beautiful voice, and had brilliant lyrics.

There is a great little video up at Forever Hollywood Cemetary's site, you can view it here.