[insert witty title here]

New blog is up an running.

2005-11-20T03:42:00.000-05:00

It is done. My new blog can be found over at this address:

http://fnordboy.factotum23.com/

Please, update any links and bookmarks you may have. Don't expect anymore posts on this blog, and please don't comment because I will rarely check this.

Moving soon...

2005-11-16T00:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in a while because I am moving my blog to a new location.

I will update this page soon with the new URL.

Happy now, bitches?

2005-09-30T23:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I have been MIA for quite awhile. You happy now? I am back.

It's funny, I was constantly thinking of things to blog about while I was on my hiatus, but I just couldn't bring myself to actually post anything. I don't know what it was... I just didn't feel like it. Let's figure out what is was:

Did visiting Maryland suck the life out of me?
Did the infected IHOP eggs that nearly did aquakitty in impair my ability to formulate words?
When my harddrive died and I lost 170 gigs of data did I go into a catatonic state?
Did drinking with Stewie, FreakMagnet, Renaldo, Aric Blue, AceRimRat, meatyhook and several others put me at that much of a loss for words?
Maybe I was just too busy listening to Ron & Fez, who finally found a new home on XM radio.
Did helping Skat fix her blog just turn me off blogs for that long?

Maybe it was all those things and then some, maybe it was none of those things. I need to write more so I guess I am back. I need to try to keep this thing fairly updated.

Happy now, bitches?

YAWN

2005-07-25T00:39:00.000-05:00

Man, I slept a lot today. Sundays are good for that, even though they usually fuck you up for work the next day. Thankfully I am off this week and don't really have to worry about it.

I went to sleep some point Saturday night for an unknown amount of time. I was watching TV and the next thing I know I wake up and Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me was just starting. Of course I had to stay up and watch it. Goddamn I love that movie... and not just because you get to see Moira Kelly's titties in it, though it is a plus. I will go out on a limb and say that it is, IMO, the best Lynch movie. There is just something about this movie (and the show too) that I love so much. I love being in that world and following the characters around.

Anyway, so finally around 6:30am or so I crawl into bed and pass out. Wake up around noon and crash again at 3:00 to finally get up around 5:30 or 6:00.

It felt great, but now I am getting kind of bored and no one is around or awake. Guess I will have to throw in a movie from my too watch pile(s) or maybe finally get around to finishing Millenium Season One. Hopefully by 4 or so I will be tired enough to get a few hours in, but it's not looking that way right now.

Interviewed by a deviant

2005-07-16T22:07:00.000-05:00

I got this from alien redrum's blog and stupidly asked him to interview me:

--------------------------------
Here are the instructions:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "Interview me." "Blow me" or "Eat me" are not acceptable substitutes.

2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post on your blog.

5. When others comment, asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
--------------------------------

Onto the questions I was given by Stewie:

1. If no one would find out, would you dress up for a Cosplay convention or Furry convention? Who/what would you go as?
No, I wouldn't cosplay. It would bring too much attention to myself and I generally dislike that.

If I had to cosplay as something (at gun point) it would be something obscure and elitist of course.

2. What excuse are you going to give us at HorrorFind as to why your “girlfriend” couldn’t make it?
Honestly, if she doesn't go I won't have to make an excuse. I will not be there. Call me pussywhipped, but that is how the relationship works. We both give all or nothing.

3. If you had to, would you have sex with a 80 year old man or a 10 year old girl? Note, only one answer is acceptable, it’s one or the other.
I would have to go with the 80 year old man. I just couldn't bring myself to do that with a child.

4. For $100,000, would you put a glass rod up your ass and ride a motorcycle for a mile? What if it was over railroad tracks?
Nope. Too much risk for way too little money. $100k wouldn't even be close to buying me a 1 or 2 bedroom house in this area and it would have to be ATLEAST that. Hell, I couldn't even buy a decent (by decent I mean free of roaches) condo for that.

Besides, I already have too many ass problems and I like taking a dump too much to risk that.

5. Assuming necrophilia was both legal and socially acceptable, and you had the opportunity to have sex with a recently dead celebrity, who would it be? (By recently dead, you could chose, say, Marilyn Monroe immediately after she died from her OD. You wouldn’t have to dig her up now).
Louise Brooks. Definitely. The most beautiful actress to ever grace the screen. Of course, being socially unacceptable has never stopped me before in any of my sex acts.

If you're interested in being questioned by me (i will do my best to make it interesting) comment and request your questions.

What is wrong with me?

2005-07-08T13:21:00.000-05:00

I am a 28 year old heterosexual male and I am pissed off that I forgot to bring my Shojo Beat magazine to work. WTF? I am either really secure, or I have a 12 year old girl trapped in my body.

I really wanted to start reading the NANA manga today and now I can't. :(

Ai Yazawa quickly became my favorite mangaka after I read Paradise Kiss. It was such an amazingly done manga. The story was great and the art was even better. I would recommend ParaKiss to almost everyone.

And I am fully expecting the bashing comments, you fuckers.

I want my goddamn tater tots!

2005-07-07T11:25:00.000-05:00

Damnit. Everyday (usually) I get breakfast from the shitty cafe downstairs in the building. Two eggs scrambled, tater tots, and lightly toasted rye w/ butter. The eggs are usually "ok" but sometimes they suck. I don't know how someone could repeatedly fuck eggs up, but they do. The only thing that is good day in and day out are the tater tots. They make them delicious. I don't know why someone would sell their soul to the devil for perfect tot making skills, but Mike in the cafe must have done it.

Anyway, I go down there today, I walk in and right away they are apologizing that they don't have tater tots for me. Fuckers. I was looking forward to tots all morning.

Of course the eggs sucked today and the butter on the toast tasted like it sat out a little too long. And now I am just left with the fading memory of those magical tater tots.

The Old Woman Who Cried Werewolf...

2005-06-29T13:03:00.000-05:00

I think a little background is needed for this entry. I grew up living next door to my grandmother and aunt & uncle. After I moved out a while back my aunt & uncle moved out of the apartment above my grandmother so my girlfriend and I moved into that apartment due to the ultra low rent. Probably not the best move, but that is a whole 'nother series of blogs.

Anyway, next door to my grandmother's house was this other house that was butted up right against her driveway. In reality the lot for that house took up about 3 feet of my grandmother's driveway. Luckily my grandmother and grandfather had an agreement with the people that live in that house.

The house was the creepy house on the block when I was growing up. It was set back from the street which is pretty rare for my neighborhood, and had a twisted tree in the front yard. The house was never cared well for (atleast in my lifetime) and was the ugliest shit brown color.

This entry is about the woman who lived in that house, Mrs. Capp. The only thing creepier than the house was this woman. She was pretty damn old when I was growing up (I believe that she has since died). My mother remembers her as always being old too when she was growing up.

I used to like to play handball against her house in the driveway. Mrs. Capp of course didn't like this and would come out screaming bloody murder every time I did. Which would make me play handball more often.

She must have started going bat shit crazy during my childhood. No, I don't think it was the constant

of my handball playing... or maybe it was. She started telling my friends and eye the nuttiest stories about herself.

One time I made the mistake of asking her why her one eye was all cloudy and white. She had really bad cataracts. She told my friend and I that she had wiped her eye with a kleenex and part of the tissue got stuck in her eye and she can never get it out.

Another time she was telling us about how her family was part werewolf, and that she turns into one on the fool moon. I don't remember how this topic got started on. Maybe I in my uncouth ways asked her about her excessive chin hair. I was pretty damn freaked out by this story. I think my mother even had to go over and talk to her about that one.

The last weird thing I can remember about her is that she used to tell me about her husband coming to pick her up and taking her out to eat. Now, her husband hasn't been alive since I can remember. I am pretty sure that he had passed away before I was born.

By the time I was in my teens she had moved into a nursing home and the house became abandoned. Of course, this made it all the more creepy. My grandmother eventually bought it so that we could preserve the driveway situation and a couple of years ago we tore down the house so it is just an empty lot now. I will probably get into somethings related to that in a later entry.

If you ever see a lycanthrope being driven around in a ghost car with a tissue stuck to it's eye. Tell Mrs. Capp hello for me.

Pissed Like Me

2005-06-29T11:58:00.000-05:00

Last night after I came home from work I found Dead Like Me on the TV. It was, surprisingly, an episode that I hadn't seen before. I had forgotten just how brilliant this show was. Watching it last night just made me even more mad than I was when I initially found out about it's cancellation.

DLM is just an amazingly well written show. I don't understand what caused it to have low enough ratings to make Showtime cancel it.

Showtime could have easily took over HBOs position as far as cable TV series go. Brilliant series like Huff and DLM definitely rival (in quality) Six Feet Under and the Sopranos. Now all they have is Huff, which is really the only thing I watch on Showtime besides Penn & Tellers Bullshit!

Part of me is hoping that by Showtime showing Dead Like Me every week again that it will draw in more of an audience and force them to bring the show back. I know it won't happen, but a boy can dream.

You got an extra smoke?

2005-06-06T10:08:00.000-05:00

Todays blog is an interesting experiment that was thought up by someone else. A group of us are to all write on same topic to see the different ways we all approach the same topic. The topic: Government's attempts at banning smoking in bars.

This was supposed to be up last night at 9PM but I never got around to doing it. Everytime I thought to myself, "hey, I need to do that blog on smoking" it made me want to have a cigarette. So I would light up a cig and completely forget to do this. This happened repeatedly throughout the night. I think I am going to have a cigarette now in fact.

*7 mintues later*

I live maybe 5-10 minutes outside of Manhattan where smoking has been banned in bars and restaurants for awhile now. Do I go toNYC bars and restaurant now? No. Of course I wish I could blame that on the smoking bam, but I hate that goddamn city anyway. When I was growing up a group of us used to cut school and hop on the PATH train into the city and hang out and get fucked up. In those days we could light up a joint walking down the street or just hanging out in Washington Square Park and not be bothered. From my understanding you can't do that anymore. It is frightenening to see how quickly that has all changed. I wish I could blame it all on Ghouliani and Bloomberg, but that would be too easy.

Anyway, I am straying from the point of this entry.

I don't understand the ban. It boggles my mind how business owners will allow the government to tell them what legal activities can and can not go on in their businesses. A lot of people like to say, "what about the waitresses and bartenders that have to work there and have to deal with the secondhand smoke". Ok.. if you want to be a waitress or bartender and you didn't think you would have to deal with smoke you are a fucktard. I don't like the prospect of having back problems... you know what I did? I DIDN'T GET A FUCKING JOB LIFTING HEAVY THINGS. Wow. What a fucking concept. For as long as I can remember smoke and bars went hand in hand. If you didn't know that then you have more problems than the potentials of sucking in secondhand smoke all during your shift.

I remember when I was in college, the first semester I was there you could smoke just about anywhere. The cafeteria, in the hallways of most of the buildings, etc. I ended up dropping out for a year and a half, but when I went back the climate had completely changed. You couldn't smoke anywhere except outdoors. Most people still smoked in the art building, because, like bars, being a troubled artist and smoking goes hand in hand. Eventually though that had to come to an end too.

"I don't like me clothes smelling like smoke after a night out."

Don't go out to a friggin' bar then. I don't. I hate bars and the people that tend to frequent them. I would much rather save my money and buy a few bottles of liquor and a couple sixpacks and spend the time at my house or someone elses. Sure I might not get lucky in the bathroom... but it has been known to happen a few times at friends houses too. ;)

I fucking hate people who ruin things for everyone else. Now I need a cigarette.

Happy now?

2005-04-18T22:22:00.000-05:00

Sometimes this blog thing is hard. I know some people read it, so I feel obligated to make it more entertaining. I couldn't think of any good stories from my past to make it funny so I kind of just let it sit for awhile. Now I am just going to try and force myself to write something.

I recently reopened my site chaostatic.com. I had let it sit dormant for a number of years, I had just bored tired of the subject matter I guess. A few things happened over the last couple of months I guess that got me reinterested in putting the site back together and trying to update it. Probably a dumb idea since I have so many projects on my plate right now unfinished. I have been interested in the occult for about the last 16 years or so. I went through quite a few belief systems and schools of thought until I settled on the one I have been "following" for the last 12(?) years. If interested you can visit the link and look at some of my writings on the site to give you a better idea. I don't feel like rehashing it here... of course most of those texts are around 5 years old, or more, so I am sure it has evolved since then. I need to make a note to myself to revisit them. Hmm, I guess I will try to keep within this topic for the rest of the post.

When I was formulating this paradigm I was around 15 or 16. I was hanging out with one other kid that was interested in the subject and was actually very helpful in building it. None of our other friends really "got it", but went along with a lot of our ideas because it was fun I guess. My friend Carlos, who we all called Acid for some reason that I have since forgotten (probably had to do with drugs, music, something else or all of the above), lived in an apt. building that was connected to a funeral home that was abandoned. He was renting a room from some young couple who were the supers of the building. This of course gave us full access to the funeral home and we used this as our hangout spot pretty much exclusively. Some real crazy shit went down there and I am sure some of those stories will show up in later entries. This place was great. Scary as fucking hell at times, but great nonetheless. There was one large room where I am assuming the viewings used to be held, off of that there were 3 other rooms in varying sizes. Probably offices... maybe a coffin showroom or two, I don't really know. The creepy part came down stairs. There were these 3 rooms downstairs. One was obviously where they stored and worked on the bodies. That room always gave us the heeby jeebies. It was always ice cold and just made the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. There were these chains that hang from the ceiling with hooks on them and when we were daring (read as - fucked up enough) we would go down there and swing around on them.

There was another room off of the hallway at the bottom of the stairs. I never could figure out what exactly that room was for. It was carpeted so I figure they didn't do any work in that room. Maybe make-up and the like. This room was the creepiest by far. Even though it was at the same level as the hallway, which was also carpeted, the floor was always sopping wet. You would walk and the water (or blood depending on the hallucinogenic you were on at the time) would just gurgle and ooze everytime you took a step. You would walk back into the hallway and it would be dry even though the rug seemed like one piece. Very odd. Oh yeah. There was no electricity in the building so you had to go everywhere by candlelight or flashlight, especially in the basement since there were no windows down there. In this room there were some weird cubicle like closets that just had a ton of crap in them. I wish I could remember some of the things it had in it. They were just weird things that you wouldn't expect in that setting like dolls and shit. There was another room off of that room that was locked. I don't think we were ever able to get in there.

Now this place is a hispanic church. Everytime I drive past it and see people doing mass or whatever I always laugh and wonder what the hell they would think if they knew some of the crazy debauchery that used to happen in there.

I also haven't talked to Acid in quite a number of years. I honestly don't even know where he is living now. Before I could keep tabs on him since he was dating a friend of my girlfriend's. It's a shame, he was extremely important in forming my belief system and we had such great times. Every now and then I hope that I will run into him, but at the same time I really don't want to. I don't remember exactly what made us drift apart... maybe nothing. Probably just time. I also know from experience that you "can't go home again".

Creepy bastards...

2005-04-08T15:47:00.000-05:00

So I am sitting in my car listening to my MP3 player enjoying the beautiful weather on my break when I see a hideous black spider crawl across my dashboard. If there is one thing in this world that I am afraid of, it is spiders. I HATE them. I don't know what it is about them but they are creep little bastards.

Anyway, so I see this spider. My first instinct is to freeze, then it is to jump out of my car. After a few seconds I grow enough balls to take my shoe off and get back in the car ready to kill it. Of course it's psychic powers (like all these 8-legged things have) warns it that I am going to kill it and it runs by the window. There is enough sticking out that I know if I get a solid shot on it that it will die... I decide to take the chance.

Bad idea.

I know I got a piece of it, but not enough to kill it. It fell to the floor of my car and now I can't find it.

I am leaving work soon and I know that it is still there regaining it's strength. I am not looking forward to the drive home.

Can't think of a fitting title...

2005-04-07T22:36:00.000-05:00

The last two days have been tough. We had some additions to our household and some departures. On March 1st my girlfriend and I had to make the horrible decision to euthanize our 15yo cat Lady. I had spent the last 10 years in her life and she was one of the most wonderful cats I have ever met. She gave back ten times the love you a gave her. She will never, ever be forgotten.

During the last month our other cat, Nothing, was becoming very lonely. We decided we needed to bring in another cat for him to keep him company. We both felt it was a little too soon after Lady's passing, but our cats are our world. They are our children and we try to do everything we can for them.

We went to the Teterboro shelter earlier in the week and were horrified at the conditions there. They had very few cats, but all of them were miserable looking. The help there was also deplorable, we stood at the counter for 10-15 mins before one of the two idiots behind the counter decided to even give us the time of the day. We saw only one cat that seemed to have any energy left in her, but we couldn't spend any time with her since they were closing shortly. She reminded us of an outside cat we had taken care of a couple of years ago they had gotten sick and died before we could take her in (one of our biggest regrets).

I researched a few shelters online and found one in Clifton, NJ that looked promising. So we stopped there on Tuesday night. What a change this shelter was. I was amazed at how helpful everyone was and how energetic and responsive the cats were. They had a great selection of ages to choose from as well. Immediately, I fell for a little 4 month old named Carrie. She came running to me from the back of her cage and was reaching her paws out at me. They must have trained her well in what to do lol. I took her out and held her for a while and she was purring instantly. I wanted her then and there, but I had to give all the other kitties a chance too, plus she was a little young for our 10 yo. Directly across from her was a beautiful cat, Putty. We took him out and he was nice and calm and seemed to like us fine. We put him back and went into the other cat room to see who else they had. I found another cat I liked named Lucky. She was also 4 months old and absolutely adorable. She took an instant liking to me as well. Above her was a gorgeous cat named Maxwell who is completely deaf. We really liked him, but he looked exactly like our current cat and we just couldn't get him.

We eventually decided that instead of getting one cat we could get two: Carrie and Putty. We figured Putty would be great since he was so calm and he was 2 years old so we are giving an older cat a chance since most people don't want anything other than a kitten. And Carrie would bring some well needed life and happiness into the apartment. We filled out the necessary forms and left waiting for them to do their background check and we would find out the next day if and when we could take our new pets home.

By 5 o'clock Wednesday evening we got the word that we could come and pick them up, yay! We got everything together and went to the shelter. After a short time there we had them in their carriers and were on our way home. When we got home we introdoced them to Nothing while they were still in their carriers. He quickly ran away and hid, which we expected since he is a very timid cat. We let them out of their prisons in the bathroom and left them in their for awhile while we calmed Nothing down... to no avail.

Eventually we let them roam around a bit since Nothing was hiding and wouldn't be coming out anytime soon. Since it has finally been getting warm again we opened the window and Putty... now named Hunter (after Hunter S. Thompson RIP)... quickly jumped into the window and watched the outside. Carrie, now known as Chiyo (after Chiyo-chan from Azumanga Daioh) quickly adapted to the house and was laying around the kitchen and the livingroom. We noticed prior to this that Hunter went from being the calm, placid cat to a much more aggressive cat, but that was somewhat expected because of the change in surroundings for him.

When it came time to take Hunter out of the window he was becoming increasingly violent acting. He was hissing and growling at us. When I went to pick him up he attacked me and got two really good hits with his claws. On my forearm and on my index finger. I wasn't bleeding too bad from my forearm, but the index finger bled pretty bad. For a few mins I thought I might need stitches, but I got the bleeding to stop for the most part. When he swiped at me he luckily lost his balance and had to jump down from the window. We closed the window and left him alone to calm down. He eventually started coming up to us and we would pet him, somewhat cautiously, but every now and then he would hiss at us and look like he was about to strike again. He also eventually started to grow tired of Chiyo's 4 month old antics and was hissing and swatting at her.

After a long night and a tiring morning we decided that we had to bring him back. We didn't want to, but Nothing is our first priority and he was not happy with this other domineering male in the house. I called up the contact at the shelter and she agreed.

All day at work I was emotionally up and down and always questioning if I was doing the right thing. We felt horrible to have to return him to the shelter, but we really didn't know what else to do. When I saw on their webpage that they posted that Carrie and Putty were adopted together and how lucky they were I nearly lost it. When I came home this evening I talked to my girlfriend about maybe giving him some more time, but he was still acting very violent and unhappy so we decided to go through with it. It was a tough drive there and surprisingly neither one of us got too upset. We spent a long time at the shelter talking with the volunteers on duty tonight, one of which was the one that initially helped us pick out these two cats. They told us that we did the right thing, but they also told us they now wonder if they will be able to get Putty/Hunter to the point where he will be able to be a housecat. They thought he was there already, but obviously wasn't yet. I personally think that he just needs a home where there are no other cats. I think that was a major factor in his behaviour.

Nothing has since come out of hiding. He is still unsure of Chiyo, but we aren't in fact while I wrote this she has been sleeping at my feet on the rug. Hopefully she will have long, fun life. I know I can't wait to be a major part of it.

In Memory of Lady (1990-2005)

Rear Window

2005-04-04T01:30:00.000-05:00

A coworker recently told me about a "scene" he viewed from his bedroom window. I thought I would share it so the one person that reads my blog would maybe get a chuckle.

He recently got married and moved into one of those townhouse communities. His bedroom faces into a courtyard where I guess everyone else's does too. Since his move there he has seen the girl across having sex with her boyfriend a few times. They always seem to leave their bedroom curtains open when they are going to have sex. On this particular night my friend noticed that they were going at it once again. Like any other person he decided to look for a few minutes. At one point he notices that the girl has put on some weird looking black panties and is moving behind the boyfriend who is bending over. She steps back and he could clearly see that she was wearing a strap-on. Him and his wife watched horrorified. At this point I told him that they obviously want everyone that can see them to watch, otherwise they would not have left the curtains open... especially during something like this that is so socially unacceptable. They continued on with this in a few positions and he said that he could swear that the boyfriend was watching out the window staring back at them.

Personally, at this point I would be out shopping for a nice telescope, lol.

I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a voyeur, but it was disappointing that this happened to someone else and not me. This reminded me of a time when I was probably 15 or so, so roughly 13 years ago. There were these women who lived in the 3 family house across the street from me. It was three women and some guys. I never quite knew who lived in what apt. and who was married to who. Two of them women were clearly related. The one was definitely older then the other but they looked almost identical one with blonde hair, the other with red, both clearly dyed. The best part was that they both looked like 80s icon Tiffany. Drool. Their friend (I am assuming since she didn't look anything like them) had black hair and a real nice figure. My friends and I always would check them out when they came home. One night we were hanging out on my stoop in front of my house partaking in some malt liquor when they came home. We watched them go up the stairs into the house and thought nothing of it and probably made our comments to each other about how hot they were. Anyway, we notice a light go on in one of the front rooms on the second floor. We all look up and we see the black haired girl opening the blinds and curtain. She then proceeds to undress in front of the window for us all to see. Now we didn't get to see too much, but we atleast got to see her breasts and some rubbing action. I am sure I used that visual many nights alone in my bedroom for awhile after that.

I am back living on that same block now, in the house next door to the one I grew up in. Everytime I look up at that window I think about that night. I wonder if she thought she would have that much of a lasting impression on us? She no longer lives there, but the Tiffany look alikes did until fairly recently. I wonder whatever happened to her.

1334

2005-04-01T14:01:00.000-05:00

I was sitting here at work a little bored, so I decided wth. I should write something on the blog.

April 1st has always been a weird day to me. I usually enjoy playing pranks on people, and I actually had a good one planned for a coworker. I still might do it so I don't want to say it here yet. Anyway, 4/1 has been a sad day for a few years now. 7 years ago today one of the greatest musicians of (atleast) my lifetime hung himself, Rozz Williams. I have never been big into the gothic culture, but I have for as long as I can remember listened to a lot of gothic music. And Rozz Williams was in some of my favorite gothic bands: Christian Death, Shadow Project, his spoken word stuff. And of course in the experimental band Premature Ejaculation.

I always find it hard to explain to people unfamiliar with his work. They hear the word gothic and automatically assume it is cheesy. I agree, a lot of things in the gothic culture are cheesy and nowadays it seems even worse than ever. Rozz was amazing though. He had a beautiful voice, and had brilliant lyrics.

There is a great little video up at Forever Hollywood Cemetary's site, you can view it here.

Beginning of something?

2005-03-31T14:48:00.000-05:00

Probably not.

I only made this blog to test something out, but you never know. Maybe I will start posting semi frequently.

We'll see.